‘Breaking News’: Obama has a Birth Certificate! (Duh.)


This morning as I was drinking my fourth cup of coffee and perusing the internet for what our country mistakes for news, I realized that all of the major news broadcasting programs concluded the same thing: the release of Obama’s birth certificate is breaking news. Fox News even had it headlined as “URGENT.” What the hell, America?

This to me is embarrassing, appalling, and just plain stupid. This is not politics. This is a circus freak show in which somebody assumed we, as American citizens, are of low intelligence, and apparently… we are.

First, let’s look at the obvious truth which is that Obama is president of the United States. How it is conceivable that they would overlook something like his birth certificate when he was running or even more unlikely, when he was sworn into office? That answer is simple; it’s just plain not. This is the sort of thing that people check and then double check before allowing someone to take office, and if you are one of the people who was sitting around thinking that maybe Obama wasn’t a citizen… you should be ashamed of yourself and seriously question your ability to critically think (or lack thereof).

Second, let’s take a look at what our Constitution has to say about this issue…

“no person except a natural born citizen, or a citizen of the United States, at the                    time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of                              President; neither shall any Person be eligible to that Office who shall have not                    attained to the Age of thirty five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident                          within the United States.”

As I am to understand this, this would mean that even if Obama was born in Kenya or any other country, even if his citizenship was naturalized rather than “natural born” (whatever that really means), as long as he had spent fourteen years living on our turf and was at least 35… then he would still be eligible to be elected President. This being said, it is likely that Obama would still have been able to run and win the title of President of United States of America. (Get over it.)

However, the latter of the two arguments is null and void really, because Obama was born on American soil, and therefore the fact that this keeps getting brought up is absolutely irrelevant and ridiculous.

Of course, Donald Trump, the ring leader of this circus event was quoted as saying upon the theatrical debut of Barrack Obama’s birth certificate, “I have accomplished something nobody else has accomplished.”

Oh really, Trump? Do you mean that you were able to accomplish the not so hard task of making yourself look like a complete and total jack ass? Just curious, because I was pretty sure you and many others managed to tackle that accomplishment many times already. Stop embarrassing your family already.

And you know what, Trump? I would ask for a certificate proving you were an idiot, but I don’t need proof.

I just know.

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