Murderers are beautiful too! Duh!

Some of you may have watched the Miss USA Pageant last night, but I (on both hands) did not. No. No. No. I would much rather waste my time watching Cats 101. I would benefit more from that, I believe.

Friends, right off let’s admit it; beauty pageants are dumb. I’m not sure there is a much more pointless competition in the history of mankind. That’s right, I think the guy that wolfs down 147 hotdogs in a minute (or whatever) has more to be proud of. And as much as they say they’re looking for a beautiful person inside and out, I’m pretty sure we can all admit that the outside beauty is what gets those girls on that stage.

However, sometimes beauty pageants can be even more taboo…

Not too long ago, a prison in Recife in the state of Pernambuco in Brazil held its gloriously glamorous Miss Jail pageant! That’s right. The lovely convicted felons of the country got all diva-ed out for their chance to win a $1,000 dollar deposit into their prison bank account. (Let’s just say, someone won’t be doing favors for ciagrettes and playing cards anymore…)

Rebecca Rhaysa Suelen Guedesin, a 19 year old chick who is being held for convicted murder won the honor of being the prettiest girl in prison, and although she maintains innocence of her supposed crimes… who cares? She’s a beauty queen!

But Brazil wasn’t the first to start this whole Miss Jail pageant. Nope, other countries have been doing it for some time now to reduce violence and help bolster a more um, appealing image, if you will.

And according to guard Andrea Carvalho, ”They used to have riots, but now we don’t have more than isolated problems.”

Ah, yes. Nothing subdues women like tube lipstick and brightly colored prom dresses. Turning even hardcore murderers into pretty, pretty princesses. You know, if they had shifted all their energy into dolling themselves up and looking purdy for some judges, they may not have ended up in prison to begin with… right?

Now, here’s my suggestion TV broadcasters. Take the Miss Universe competition and combine it with the Miss Jail competition and see what happens when chicks stop being nice… and start getting real. (You know, Real World style.) Then we’d get some pretty chicks clamoring around in bikinis, answering questions they don’t actually care about, doing dance routines to pop songs AND we’d get a possible knifing, some innocents turned crack heads and maybe an off beat lesbian romance! Beauty at it’s finest!

Now, that’s a competition, I’d watch. Until then… sorry Miss USA. You bore me.

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