PETA (People for the ethical treatment of animals) must like jokes…
… because they’re totally becoming one.
I get it. Save the animals. Everyone loves animals and I appreciate the fact that PETA doesn’t single just one out for saving. One of my biggest pet peeves is people that rant about saving puppies as they’re chomping down on McDonalds’ cheeseburgers and pounding chicken nuggets down their gullet; cows and chickens being animals that (whether you admit it to yourself or not) get the worst treatment and need the most saving. Why is one animal worth more for saving? Because we can canoodle them and train them to bark on command? To me, that’s hypocritical, so I appreciate the fact that PETA is trying to save every last animal on Earth. Everyone needs a cause and while animal rights is not necessarily mine… I sure do like Youtube videos of animals doing cute things (softy, I know), and feel awful when I hear of them being treated inhumanely.
I think it’s also worth noting before we dive into this topic, that I am, in fact, a vegetarian, but not because of PETA. In fact, PETA’s recent shenanigans actually make me want to go out and get a giant sirloin steak while wearing a mink fur coat, alligator-skin boots, right after buying a kitten from a kitten mill.
For a while now, PETA has been trying to spread “awareness” for their cause much in the same way that Calvin Klein tries to sell underwear or Playboy tries to sell magazines; using the sex sells mantra. Problem is, in the context of their cause… this makes no sense to me.
And of course, PETA has always been a little racy. You know, throwing red paint on anyone wearing real furs, buying a plot of land next to Col. Sanders for all the chickens he killed, comparing meat eaters to Jeffrey Dahmer and Nazis, making breast milk ice cream, and having women dry hump zucchinis.
And… at first, it was cool, even a little endearing. (Aww, look at that obscenely skinny naked chick with the giant carrot shoved down her throat! Adorable! I’m going to turn vegetarian, masturbate, and save a sea turtle today!)
(This commercial does not make me want to stop eating meat. It makes me wish I was skinnier, had perfectly straight teeth, and reminds me to double rinse my broccoli before eating it.)
However folks, PETA is taking it a step further… they’re starting a porn site. (Oh. Duh. Nothing says save the animals like penetration and some hot animal bedroom behavior.) Launching in December, peta.xxx will be available for your viewing pleasure. According to Lindsay Rajt, PETA’s spokeswoman, it is in an attempt to reach a “broader audience.” (Um, by broader audience do you mean creepy old men, drunk college kids, and the cast of The Jersey Shore?) And of course, as you’re perusing naked women and sweaty bumping loins, you’ll be redirected to animal rights’ messages occasionally.
(Hey, PETA, you know what’s really annoying when I’m watching porn? Pop-up ads. Yeah. Especially ones that might make me feel guilty when I already feel guilty about what I’m doing.)
Typically, I’m all for using a little edgy sexuality to promote your cause. When the Keep a Breast foundation started the ‘Save the Boobies’ campaign, I thought “brilliant!” The difference is, unlike PETA, they’re not helping to also promote bad female body image at the very… same… time. Oh, and at least the breast cancer has something to do with what they’re trying to promote and save. Uh, breasts.
The point is folks, their ad campaigns do not make sense. Period. (I mean really.) The problem with a PETA porn site is unless they’re talking about butt fucking a monkey kind of porn… I have completely missed their message. The only thing I’m taking from it is the same thing I take from every other ad: I need to hype my sexuality and tone my body to be a woman. It’s unoriginal and not even that ‘shocking.’
Oh, and seriously PETA. Please.
I like to keep my good causes separate from my guilty pleasures. (Veg food for thought.)
(p.s. PETA, I would like to thank you for allotting me the opportunity to use the phrase “butt fucking a monkey” in real context. Seriously. Thank you.)