BREAKING NEWS: Maple Syrup is Actually Heroin!

It was 5:08 a.m. when our anonymous source woke up- both she and morning still blanketed with darkness. Fighting back the urge to pee, she reached over for her cell phone to shut off the alarm she had woken up … Continue reading


My Fictional Boyfriends (or Why all Real Boys are Doomed)

I’ve always wanted a boyfriend- even at a really young age. I wasn’t one of those young lasses that daydreamed about a wonderful wedding and having babies and picket fences. As far as young girls go, I was pretty level-headed- … Continue reading


You Can’t Turn a Douche Bag into a Husband

Most of my mornings that are not consumed by work or my boyfriend begin by me drinking coffee and reading the news and other gems on the internet. I peruse around a bit, get a basic view of what’s going … Continue reading


Exes and Ohs

Over my years of being a girlfriend to men, I’ve realized that eventually with every single one you will undoubtedly have a talk about your ex-whatevers. This is a normal development in the course of a relationship and should neither … Continue reading


The Answer is Yes (or Dear Future Boyfriend,)

Some of you may be aware and some of you may not be aware, but my new hobby is going on dates. I go on dates every week. I’m currently averaging 2-3 in a seven day span of time, and … Continue reading


Oh, the romance! (And a missed connection to boot.)

Anybody that knows me, knows that I have a thing for the Craig’s List “missed connections.” I check them every morning. I check them throughout the day. I end my night by laying in bed and giving them one last … Continue reading


More Dry Humping, Please

Who doesn’t love a good dry hump from time to time? I mean, essentially it’s abstinence yet still humping. That’s magic.

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Fraternizing with the Tourist Boy (And How You Can Too!)

Are you 35 and still checking single on your taxes? Do you walk into your local bar, look around, and think meh, I’ve already made-out with every single dude in here? Maybe you’re just really, really bored…? Well, if you’re a server, I … Continue reading

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Talking, Shitting, Facebooking, Introducing (and other Woes)

I recently became single again a little while back and it occurred to me that because of my decision, I’m forced to undertake the daunting task of starting all over from scratch with some unsuspecting dude. Square one. Aside from … Continue reading

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What Christmas Means to Me

If you clicked on this expecting your typical “family and friends and egg nog and good feelings inside and woven sweaters with black bears humping on them and sipping hot chocolate by the roaring fire place while Tiny Tim giggles … Continue reading

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They don’t sell hugs at the mall.

I hate malls. I can’t stand them. I didn’t even know this about myself until a few weekends ago. I thought I loved them. Mainly because I love shoes, but still… I didn’t always feel this way. I’m like many … Continue reading

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PSA: Stop reading into shit, but do read into this one.

Some of the things I have been writing about have been called into question recently. And apparently, people are investigating my blog and then reporting things to others as facts. A sort of third party, ‘he said, she said, Becki … Continue reading

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Grossly Negligent Operation of a Smart Phone

Cell phones are nifty little gadgets that we as first-world citizens cannot really live without anymore. I am certainly guilty of this. Probably even more so than others. And guess what? I have what is referred to as a “smart” … Continue reading

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Defriending! Trending!

I’ll admit– lately I’ve been quick to pull the ‘unfriend’ trigger on Facebook. If the thought just touches my mind that I should defriend someone, I do it. No more thinking too hard about it or weighing my options about … Continue reading


Fifty Shades of [Censored]

I’ve given into society’s questionable choice in books before, even though it usually takes some time. I resisted the Twilight series for years up until I saw a picture of one of the werewolves with no shirt on in a … Continue reading